Friday, September 24, 2010

Fan Mail

“…and I opened my eyes to the warmth that was my lover, kissing her lips gently and holding her close.  The sun’s glow radiated in the background and she was my angel.  But the radiance t’was not what was first though and my face soon crumpled at the pungent order emanating from the comforter.  It was a morning fart, wet and smelly with a hint of confusion: “should I be wet or dry?”  The odor was stale and hung in the air like a cat on a clothesline.  It was heavy and filled my lungs slowly and heavily.  “No more burritos before bed,” I though.   But I loved her. And no man, woman, shemale or three-breasted alien could change that.”

My, my, my, how the time flies when you are having fun. 
We are four blogs in boys and girls and the responses to this lil’ post has been amazing.  There is nary a day that goes by where my inbox isn’t full of questions, insults, quips and advice.
The responses I’ve received range from the mundane and inane to truly insightful things that truly make you stop and think.  So that gave me an idea.  Why not share some of these questions and insightful anecdotes with the fans? 

So, from here on out every month, I will stop down the blog and take some of the readers’ questions and put them up for all to see.   After all, we are a family right? 

So without further ado, here we go…

What do the Cowboys need to do to get out of their own way?
-Jennifer, Rochester, NY

Jennifer, I have been wondering that for quite some time and the only answer I have is for them to hire a true head coach.  You cannot run a team with two coordinators on the sideline and the head coach up in the luxury box.  Wade is too soft and Garrett is resolved to do what the hell he wants, regardless of what anyone says.

I read your blog last week and couldn’t agree more on the Rangers and the scenario you laid out.  However, when you have the Yankees in the mix, anything is possible.  Do you stand by your post that the Yankees will miss the playoffs or are you a fervent Yankee hater?
-Phil, Boston, Mass

Phil, I stand by my post, but I do reserve the right to change my mind…especially if Boston straight collapses.  Then I will just delete it and pretend it never happened.  And by the way, I do really, really hate the Yankees.

Do you think the Rangers’ ace will make a good fit with the Yankees?
-C. Lee, Ark.

Not really.  I think C.J. likes it in Texas.

If the Rangers playoff run comes to an end in the first round and someone wanted to celebrate the season, can you recommend a good place to party that is free of team presidents and Deadspin?
 -R.W. & J.H, Oakland, Ca

Those initials look familiar… I’ll get back to you.

Rangers' fans and some in the media have openly questioned Cliff Lee’s effort while he has been a Ranger even going so far as to claim he is sabotaging games because he is truly unhappy here.  Do you think he is and if so, what would you recommend he do to be less conspicuous?
-C.L., Arlington, TX  

I was in the camp that questioned his effort, but I quickly changed my mind after he threw a stellar game against the Yankees two weeks ago.  But I don’t know how to explain what he did Thursday night against Oakland with the opportunity to close the door on the Athletics.  He is like Jekyll and Hyde with every start and it is impossible to get a read on him.  What I do know is that it doesn’t matter if he tanks games or not, the Yankees will get him in the offseason.  Bet on it!

I believe the Mavericks have a good chance to contend in the west this year and possibly make it to the finals.  In your opinion, what do you think needs to happen in order to see the dream materialized?
-Mark, Dallas

If the Mavericks want to contend, they have to get rid of their dead weight.  Terry and his streaky shooting, Kidd and his terrible FG percentage and Carlisle, who refuses to play a hot rookie because he doesn’t know how to coach, has to go.  And isn’t it time for Nelson to “spend time with his family?”  Really, this guy is becoming a joke.  The only thing he has to show for is Dirk, and there is only so long you get a pass on that.  Can’t wait to root for the Nets this year.  

I have been watching Rangers’ games intently and have come to this conclusion: Cliff Lee sucks.  Why in the hell did the great Scott Feldman lose his spot to this loser?
-#39, Arlington

This may hurt your feelings but even on Lee’s worst day, which has come quite often, he is still better than Feldman.  At least he gets out of the fourth inning and saves the bullpen.

If Wade Phillips’s Cowboys lose to Houston and fall to 0-3, do you think he should be fired in during the bye week?
Jerral, Highland Park 

Yes.  But you also need to fire the offensive coordinator and the GM.  I’m not sure that’s what you wanted to hear Jerral.

Hypothetically, let’s say you wanted to hide the body of a high profile assistant and wanted it never to be found.  What suggestions would you have for me?
-Wilson Phillips, Houston

Nice try Wade.

Good night everybody!


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