"Puberty is a turbulent and insecure time in a young man's life. His voice changes, hair grows in unexpected places and the inside of his pants become a firing range for his uncontrollable volcanic anus."
So we’ve come to the end of the Rangers’ magical season. And let’s face it, no one, not even Nolan Ryan with his magic 8 ball could have predicted they would make it out of the first round of the MLB playoffs much less get bounced in five in the World Series.
But they did and boy did it give fans in the metroplex something to cheer about. At least one of our professional franchises decided to show up this year and give us something to look forward to in the future. And believe me; the Rangers’ future is bright.
As for the rest of the area; the Cowboys are a reflection of the owner, the Mavericks will undoubtedly win another 50 games and flame out in mediocre fashion as they have every year since getting routed in the finals and trading to get older and the Stars are still uninteresting (sorry but I’m just not a really big hockey fan).
So having said that, and not wanting to take all of the blog this week (it’s all about you, the fan), I bring you the second installment of fan mail. I’ve dug deep into the mailbag and found some substantive questions for your reading pleasure.
Hey Coach, I heard you on 1190 a.m. one Saturday and thought you sounded sexy. How often are you on and are you single?
-Trisha K., Pleasant Grove
I appreciate you tuning in and checking me out on the Dave Kenoly Sports Special every Saturday from 4-6 p.m. unless there is a Texas Tech Game scheduled. In that case, we are on from 7-9 p.m. As for the second question, yes I am single but I have been seeing Palmela Handerson for s little while now. We just haven’t made it official. Sorry.
Damn, that was my question too, well just the second part. Maybe in another life, huh?
-Chris, Huntsville, TX.
Now that the Rangers’ season is over, what do you think there second most important priority is going to be?
-Trent, North Dallas
Good question Trent. Look, we all know they want to sign Lee, but they have to make sure they don’t spend all their time and resources on one player while everyone else improves around them. And I think that would have happened under Hicks and HSG. But the new ownership has a grasp on multi tasking and they know what they want and where they want to go. That being said, I think priority number one, for priority number two is to figure out what to do at catcher. If Molina retires, you need someone to get in there and take control of the staff as well as help them develop. For as much as I criticized Molina, he was great at handling the staff and was clutch in the playoffs. I still don’t think Teagarden, as much as I like the kid is there yet and Treanor, a year removed from hip surgery, is 34.
If the Rangers cannot sign Cliff Lee what happens next?
-Eric T., Fort Worth
It’s not the end of the world, although some fans will see it that way. There are still some options out there that can be had, and for a lot cheaper than Lee. Some of these are contingent upon their respective clubs decisions between the end of the World Series and Saturday (Nov. 6) but there are a lot of good arms on the market that could be a lot easier on the team’s budget. You have Grienke (K.C.), Bonderman (Det.), Pavano (Min.) and Webb (Ari.) to name a few. Like I said, they won’t be looked on with the same optimism as you would with Lee, but keep in mind, Texas’ rotation and bullpen is pretty damn good on its own. They just need a winning veteran like Lee to make them better. One of these guys could possibly do the same. If not, at least you have the money budgeted for Lee to add more depth to the bullpen and make your team more formidable in the long run.
I am so depressed. Now that the Rangers season is over, I feel like I have to watch that crap across the street as punishment. Is there anything I can look forward to while the last nine games of the Cowboys’ season tortuously drags on?
-Flugert, Glen Rose
You can watch Wade complete the last season of his head coaching career because there is no way in hell he gets another head job after the debacle of this season. We’ve all seen it brewing since last year. He allows his players to believe their own press clippings, holds none of them accountable and has no idea what’s going on on the other side of the ball. There is no owner that would trust their franchise to him and the next time you see him will be as a defensive coordinator and that’s all. You will also get to see Garrett’s last nine games called in Dallas before he goes to another team and wins the Super Bowl (it always happens that way).
Why do the Cowboys suck so badly?
-Jerry, Turtle Creek
There is no accountability on the team whatsoever. When the players know they can go to the owner anytime they don’t agree with what the coach is doing, you know you have a problem. Wade can’t pull them from games, he can’t suspend them and I would be surprise if he was generally allowed to hurt their feelings. The players can be pissed and talk about improvement all they want, but until they are all on the same page, respect each other and their coaching staff, they will continue on their quest of futility.
Do you see anything positive coming out of the Cowboys’ season?
Yes—one of the first five picks in the draft provided Jones doesn’t trade it for Joey Galloway, Bobby Carpenter and a Papa Johns’ Pizza.
If you wanted to quit a job cuz your employees hate you and your boss doesn’t respect you, but you don’t want to look like a quitter, how would you do it?
-Wade, Valley Ranch
I think it should be a little easier when everyone around you has already shown you how to quit.
How would you go about getting more people to pay attention to you when you know you have a contending team?
-J. Nieuwendyk, Dallas
Change your name to the Rangers and start playing in the Ballpark or find someone who cares because I don’t.
If you were to rank to top football teams in Texas, from 1-5, who would be on your list?
-T. Farrell, Saginaw
That’s easy; 1. TCU 2. Baylor 3. Oklahoma 4. Lake Travis 5. Euless Trinity. I have Texas just ahead of UTA and UNT.
What do you look forward to next season with the Rangers?
Not having to think about the Cowboys or the Mavericks. By the way, on opening day the Rangers host the Red Sox.
What would be your criteria for the next head coach of the Cowboys?
-Bill, Miami, Fl.
You need a guy who will be no nonsense and a good teacher. He has to make these guys accountable for everything they do and don’t do alike. He also has to have the cajones to stand up to the owner and tell him to go sit away every now and again. But before you do any of that, you have got to address the situation with the GM. If there is not a football man in place or Stephen Jones isn’t the GM or at least has the capacity to make major decisions, then it doesn’t matter who you bring in. They will be in the same situation in three years.
If the Mavericks get to the finals again this year, will you finally change your tune on the team and become a fan again?
-D. Nelson, Dallas
No. It’s not worth becoming invested in a team that no matter how good it gets with the players it develops, it always finds a way to screw the pooch by getting older through ridiculous signings and trades, never looking to find dirk a true sidekick and generally not having a plan. The best first step for the Mavs improvement would be to get rid of Nelson and bring in a new basketball man. Getting credit for trading for Dirk should only get you so far.